Sample Scene Diagnostics Worksheet (2)
Copyright 1999 by Leigh Michaels
based on
Marrying the Boss, by Leigh Michaels
Chapter 1 Scene number 1
Duration in pages 15 ms Duration in time 2_3 hours
The viewpoint character is: Jessica Bennington, heroine
Which characters are present? Jessica. Keir Saunders. Client/Vaughn (by phone call). Jessica's boyfriend Trevor McIntyre. The woman running the deli. Jessica's grandmother, Clementine Bennington (mentioned). The office helper, Randy. "The suits"--mysterious visitors.
Which major characters are absent? Walter Wyatt and his daughter haven't yet appeared.
In one sentence, what happens in this scene? Reader meets heroine, learns about her job, office and boss, and gets hints of the problems to come with the boyfriend and "the suits."
What is the main goal of this scene? Establish background & relationship between hero/heroine.
In what other ways could this information be given to the reader? Would these ways be clearer/better/more straightforward? (1) Jessica talking to a friend, to Trevor, or to Randy. (2) Straight narration/exposition.
Neither would be better; the first would take the focus off the romance relationship and the second would be story-telling instead of story-showing.
What are the secondary goals of this scene? Establish tone of story. Show Keir as happy-go-lucky, carefree in business, creative, erratic, aggravating but charming. Show Jessica as upper crust, not belonging to this background--not the sort to be in these surroundings. Show Jessica as efficient but caring. Show Toolshop Software as a small, struggling business concern. Show Trevor as an ass, though not too obviously so--in order to prepare reader for next scene. Contrast Keir and Trevor. Foreshadow that Keir doesn't like Trevor ("rising executive"). Foreshadow Jessica's expectations of a proposal. Foreshadow romance between Jessica & Keir (Randy's comment).
In what other way could this information be given to the reader? Would these ways be clearer/better/more straightforward? (1) In separate, smaller scenes. (2) In dialogue between Jessica & a friend, or between Jessica & Randy. (3) Going into Trevor's POV. (4) Going into Keir's POV. (5) Going into Randy's POV. (6) Simple narrative about Jessica's background.
Some of these (smaller, separate scenes) would be acceptable. Others would take the story focus off the romance (by bringing in secondary characters or other POVs) or be story-telling instead of story-showing. Narrative would carry the risk of telling too much.
Does the opening paragraph establish time, place, and viewpoint character? What methods does it use to do so? Jessica is named; Toolshop Software is named; her job title is made clear; the length of time she's been at TS is noted; the financial position of the company is made clear.
Narrative, from Jessica's perspective ("Frankly, she didn't see how they were going to scrape by.")
Do the closing paragraphs draw the reader into the next scene? What methods does it use to do so? Implying that the suits are going to be very important in the story. Suggesting that Jessica's date may not go the way she expects. Dialogue ("Maybe you'll live to tell the tale"); introspection ("He was kidding... at least she hoped so"); actions (Keir squaring shoulders, to note the importance of this encounter).
What is the tone of this scene? How does the tone compare to the preceding scene? To the following scene? Lighthearted, despite money troubles. Wry, almost droll.
There is no preceding scene.
The following scene is more serious; Trevor's character type is stiffer and the subject of the scene more intense. Jessica shows herself differently with Trevor than with Keir.
What is the pace of this scene? How does the pace compare to the preceding scene? To the following scene? Moves forward rapidly, as it gives a lot of background info.
There is no preceding scene.
The following scene moves more slowly and is more static in location, with fewer characters and fewer elements.
Does this scene add to or detract from the forward movement of the story? Adds to, by giving much necessary information and establishing main characters.
Is this scene necessary? Yes.
Plan of action: None.
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