SCRIPT SUMMARY

 

Title

Yes: The Last Word and Testament of Cassie Bernall

 

Authorship

Based on excerpts and direct quotations from She Said Yes: The Unlikely Martyrdom of Cassie Bernall by Misty Bernall.  (Farmington, Pennsylvania: The Plough Publishing House, 1999).  Used with permission.  All copies of this script must contain this copyright statement.

 

Character

Cassie Bernall, a junior at Columbine High School

 

Costume

Late 1990s teen clothing

 

Setting

The Columbine High School library, April 20, 1999.

 

Summary

As a fellow student places a gun at her head and asks if she believes in God, Cassie Bernall recounts her relationship with Jesus Christ.

 

 

MONOLOG SCRIPT

 

“Yes: The Last Word and Testament of Cassie Bernall”

 

A monologue based on excerpts and direct quotations (in italics) from She Said Yes: The Unlikely Martyrdom of Cassie Bernall by Misty Bernall.  (Farmington, Pennsylvania: The Plough Publishing House, 1999).  Used with permission.  All copies of this script must contain this copyright statement.

 

STAGING SUGGESTION: The actress may wish to begin the performance at center stage, crouched on her knees with her hands clenched in prayer.  After saying the first line, she may then stand and move as the script warrants, returning to center whenever repeating the line: “Do you believe in God?” he asked.  The actress may wish to return to the kneeling position at center stage immediately before the last repetition of the line:  “Do you believe in God?” he asked.

 

 

“Do you believe in God?” he asked.

 

I haven’t always said yes.  Today, April 20, 1999, as I kneel under a desk in the school library, with someone pressing a gun against my forehead, how will I answer?

 

It’s funny.  A couple of years ago I might have been on the other side of that gun.  A girlfriend and I were actually planning the death of one of our teachers.  I wrote letters to this friend, plotting how we could kill my own parents, too.  Nothing really serious, just wishful thinking, know what I mean?  Well, my parents didn’t.  They found the letters in my room.  They were really graphic, and even had pictures of how we would kill my parents.

 

They decided to take the “tough love” approach and cut me off from my friends.  If I saw them or even spoke to them, the sheriff would file a restraining order!  Yeah, my parents contacted the police!  They were blowing the whole thing completely out of proportion.  I wasn’t addicted to alcohol or cigarettes.  I wasn’t a pot-head.  Basically, I was really lonely and depressed and hated my parents.  I hope your life doesn’t ever suck as bad as mine did then.  I tried running away, but they caught me.

 

They even made me go to a Christian school, like that would change the way I felt inside.  I used to scream at them: “I’m going to kill myself!  Do you want to watch me?  I’ll do it, just watch.  I’ll kill myself.  I’ll put a knife right here, right through my chest.”

 

I couldn’t explain in words how much I hurt.  I didn’t know how to deal with this hurt, so I physically hurt myself.  Maybe it was my way of expressing my sadness, anger and depression….  I would lock myself in the bathroom and hit my head on the counters.  Thoughts of suicide obsessed me for days, but I was too frightened to actually do it, so I ‘compromised’ by scratching my hands and wrists with a sharp metal file until I bled.  It only hurt for the first couple of minutes, then I went numb.  Afterwards, it stung very badly, which I thought I deserved anyway.  I still have scars.

 

 

 

Throughout this time, I hated my parents and God with the deepest, darkest hatred.  There are no words that can accurately describe the blackness I felt.  Those violent fantasies were more than talk.  I felt gripped by a very real power of darkness.

 

Being the new kid in a Christian school just made things worse.  I was completely miserable, and all the other kids literally hated me, but I had to go every day, even if I was kicking and screaming and absolutely hating it….  Luckily there was one girl, Jamie, who befriended me.  She was very open-minded and accepting, something I didn’t find in any of the other kids.  She was also the only person I didn’t refuse to listen to.  I told her I had given my soul to Satan.  ‘There’s no way I can love God,’ I would tell her.  And she would say, ‘Cassie, that’s not the way it has to be.’  She told me very gently about Christ, and how what had happened to me was not God’s fault.  We are given a free will, Jamie told me, and I had chosen to make decisions I would later regret.  I found truth in her words and began to listen.

 

I guess she kind of wore me down, because next thing I know I’m at a retreat with Jamie and her youth group.  I didn’t want to go at first, but she told me how cool the people were.  You could totally be yourself there.  When my parents dropped us off for the weekend, I think they were a little scared, because lots of the kids had dyed hair and stuff, you know, the kind of people they were trying to keep me away from!

 

So there I am, up in the Rocky Mountains with 300 Christian kids and some guy talking about overcoming the temptations of evil and breaking out of selfishness.  And they start singing these praise songs.  I don’t know why, but the singing just broke down my walls.  I started crying, pouring out my heart, asking God for forgiveness for all these things I felt bad about, giving them all up.  I turned my life around.  It was only then that I was really able to see where I had gone astray.  I had made bad choices, and there was nobody to blame but myself – something I had denied constantly throughout my suffering.

 

Later that night, a bunch of us stood under the stars in the silence, totally in awe of God.  I was so small and the sky was so big.  The bigness of God was so real.  Jamie said my whole face looked like it had changed.  My eyes were more hopeful.  When we got back home, I found my mom in the parking lot and gave her a big hug.  “Mom, I’ve changed.  I’ve totally changed.  I know you are not going to believe it, but I’ll prove it to you.”

She was a tough sell, but slowly we both began to see changes.  I had found something – Someone – who was going to fulfill me in a way that nothing else had up till then.  One of my youth leaders said it showed the most in my smile.  I began to smile.

 

Things haven’t been perfect since then, of course.  I’m growing in my relationship with God, but I still struggle with temptation.  Sometimes, I go through the motions of faith, I go to all the Bible studies, and everyone at the youth group thinks I’m all right, but inside I sometimes feel really disconnected and far from God….  Most times, though, I am just so thankful to God for everything He’s done for me.  Even when things are bad, He’s stood next to me.

 

A year and a half ago, my parents agreed to let me transfer from that Christian school to a public high school.  I guess they caved under the pressure.  “Mom, I can’t witness to the kids at a Christian school.  I could reach out to many more people if I were in a public one!”

 

Today, April 20, 1999, I am a junior at Columbine High School, kneeling under a desk in the library, with a gun pointed at my head.

 

“Do you believe in God?” he asked.

 

When God wants me to do something, even if it means going outside my comfort zone, I know it.  I  try to stand up for my faith at school…It can be discouraging, but it can also be rewarding…

 

 I’m a junior this year, so I’ve been wondering what God is going to do with my life.  Like my purpose.  Some people become missionaries, but what about me?  What does God have in store for me?  I’m confident that I’ll know someday.  Maybe I’ll look back at my life and think, ‘Oh, so that was it!’  Isn’t it amazing, this plan we’re a part of?  Honestly, I want to live completely for God.  It’s hard and scary, but totally worth it….  I will die for my God.  I will die for my faith.  It’s the least I can do for Christ dying for me.”

 

“Do you believe in God?” he asked.

 

Yes.

 

 

Based on excerpts and direct quotations (in italics) from She Said Yes: The Unlikely Martyrdom of Cassie Bernall by Misty Bernall.  (Farmington, Pennsylvania: The Plough Publishing House, 1999).  Used with permission.  All copies of this script must contain this copyright statement.