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Title: Pillow Talk Author: Miss Murchison Rating: PG so far. That will change. Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. Only the lame plots and dialogue herein are mine. Notes: A Spuffy story that starts in early Season 6 before deviating from canon. Most of the tale will be from Buffy's point of view. However, a few chapters, like the one below, will be from the point of view of other characters. Xander is thinking about casting a spell. But a stray thought changes his course and moves this story further away from canon.
Thanks:
To
Keswindhover and
The story begins here.
"With you in a minute, sweetie!" Anya called for the third time in a half-hour. Each time she said it, her voice had a sharper edge. Xander barely heard her, having long since given up any expectation that his fiancée would leave the Magic Box while Giles was looking over the accounts. He groped in the box next to him, selected a Krispy Kreeme donut at random from the assortment within, and bit it in half. Chewing thoughtlessly, he paged through the book in front of him for the third time. This stuff doesn't look so hard. And it's in English, so it's not like I'm going to set the book on fire or start a volcanic eruption on Main Street because I don't know what I'm doing. Common sense asserted itself briefly. Yes, you are. You always do. Schemes like this one never work, especially if they're masterminded by Xander Harris. But he couldn't keep from looking through the list of charms. Even Xander Harris couldn't ignore the fact that everyone around him was worried and tense. Pizza and movie rentals hadn't helped, and no one had taken him up on his offer of a bowling night. There was only so much a guy could do. Except for magic, he was flat out of ideas. He licked jelly from his lips and powdered sugar from his fingers. The musical spell looked fun. Everyone happy, dancing around— A bell jangled as Willow came in. She called a hello to Xander and the others before muttering something about needing herbs and heading for the basement. Anya broke off her argument with Giles to complain about witches who used up the inventory and never paid for anything. Dancing and singing with Anya and Willow and . . . Suddenly, Xander had a mental image of himself doing the Snoopy Dance all over Sunnydale, prancing uncontrollably, exhausted but unable to stop. Anya was wearing a wig with long blonde braids and belting out some opera in a foreign language. Tara was decked out in fairy wings and a tutu, warbling, "When You Wish upon a Star." Next to her was Willow, who hated to sing, reluctantly covering Celine Dion and looking ready to turn whoever had made this happen into a toad. Freakiest of all, Giles was accompanying himself to 70s rock on an acoustic guitar. Okay, no music. He flipped over a few more pages, and saw, "Feast without Fast." Another mental image, this time a vision of Buffy staring down at her plate the night before, looking as if she'd been handed dried-out Brussels sprouts instead of a slice of her favorite junk food. People thought he didn't notice things, but it hadn't been the first time Xander had been aware of her pushing away the kind of goodies she used to enjoy. But Buffy and enjoyment seemed to be strangers these days. And she was getting really skinny, almost shrinking back into the skeleton she'd been becoming before Willow brought her back out of the grave. That thought made him shiver and he almost started muttering the words of the spell under his breath. But he'd promised himself not to do anything crazy when he'd first found this book of beginner's charms, and he struggled to sort through the pros and cons. Okay, Harris, we're not going to jump into this. Think first. This is a spell. That means magic. Magic means that anything could go wrong. No, not just anything. It would have to be something in the spell. And the spell is about eating. What could go wrong with eating? Vision number three: Aunt Lulu's beef tongue casserole. But careful rereading of the instructions revealed that "those thus enchanted will indulge in their favorites of food and drink." So no tongue, at least in the culinary sense, unless someone liked it, and he wouldn't be compelled to eat Anya's moldy cheeses or even that bean salad Tara and Willow thought was the best thing since cheesecake. And the book said "without fast" so it wasn't like they'd be gobbling up everything like some trucker at a hot-dog eating contest. They'd probably have a picnic or something, and Buffy would enjoy a nice hot meal for once. He'd have some donuts, Anya could have her skeezy cheese, and Willow and Tara could eat their own damn beans. Yeah, Xander knew he was still a fool. But this time, he had come up with a foolproof plan. He reached for another donut. Happy meals, here we come.
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Please send feedback to: missmurchison@mchsi.com
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