Title:   A Bug on the Cosmic Windscreen

Author:  Miss Murchison

Rating:  PG, so far.  The rating may rise.

Disclaimer:  Characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the creators of the new Battlestar Galactica, etc.  Only the lame plots and dialogue herein are mine.

Summary: I volunteered to write fic for people who were making donations to Hurricane Katrina victims.  Willow Green asked for a crossover story in which Spike wound up in the Battlestar Galactica cosmos and several other people also expressed interest.  It took me a while to decide how a vampire should make his entrance in that very different universe from the one to which he is accustomed.  I couldn't decide on the title at all, so I conducted a poll.  I hope to have more of his adventures with Starbuck, Apollo and the others done soon.

This chapter is named in honor of an idea that we discussed on the Spinoffs thread of the now defunct Band of Buggered forum. The plan was to send Spike off adventuring in the cosmos after BtVS ended, and the title of the show had to be said with Spiiiiiike drawn out, like the title sequence in the Muppet's "Piiiiiiigs in Space ."

Thanks: To Keswindhover, Gobi Rex, and revdorothyl for the beta.

The story starts here.

Chapter Four: Spiiiiikein Space

"I haven't got time for this." 

Starbuck's gaze jerked away from Spike as Commander Adama stood up.  A glance around the room told her that he looked more skeptical than anyone else there.  Gaius and Billy were as shocked as the Marines lined up along the back of the room, and Billy at least was trying just as hard as the guards not to show it.  Gaius' jaw was slack.  Judging by the sound in her right ear, Lee was grinding his jaw.  The President's face was a mask, as emotionless as she could make it.

Kara shook her head slightly.  Spike had been talking for five minutes about an Earth with huge oceans, tall mountains, and a plethora of people and gods.  It was a beautiful place, he said, where thousands of languages were spoken by humans with a myriad of cultures.  She wanted desperately to believe him, but his tone was too glib, and his eyes seemed to warn of stories untold, of details unrevealed.

Spike grinned up at Adama as the Commander approached.  "Don't let me keep you, General," he said, showing no dismay at having his story interrupted. 

"It's Commander.  And I'm not interested in fairy tales about Earth right now.  I want to know what you know about Cylons."

Spike shrugged.  "Next to nothing.   Flash Gordon here tells me they're bad guys.   If that mute bint I saw on the Millennium Falcon is typical, they're an attractive bunch too.  Still, worst beating I ever had was from a hell god who thought she was a fashion model.  I gather this lot are stronger than the average bear?"

Roslin stood up. "You were beaten by a god?" 

Spike turned back to her.  "Well, in the sense that she covered me with bruises, yeah.   In the sense that I got away with my hide and an important secret intact, not to mention saving the life of a pretty little girl, no.  And when all was said and done, her godliness did not pass go, did not collect two hundred dollars, and did not wind up in a hotel on the Boardwalk." 

Billy made a valiant attempt to jot this down, but stopped halfway, staring at his notebook as if the words he was writing had translated themselves into some strange alphabet.

Adama stepped in front of the hitchhiker's chair, placing himself in between Spike and Roslin.  "I have no idea how much or how little of your tales are true, even of the parts I've understood."

Spike linked his hands behind his head and contemplated this statement.  "No way for me to prove any of it, or for you to prove me a liar.  So you'll just have to trust me then, won't you?"

Kara stiffened.  Something was about to happen.  She heard Lee shift next to her and know he sensed potential danger in this confrontation.

His father gestured at the guards.  "Not entirely."  One of the marines opened the door, and several more armed soldiers stepped in.  "We'll be keeping a close eye on you.  Several eyes."

"Yeah."  Spike watched the members of the new contingent line up.  "You do that.  A dozen blokes—and a few ladies—against one…"

Kara's head snapped back as she tried to follow Spike's movements.  One second he was lounging in his chair, and the next he was facing the line of Marines, his left fist drawn back.   Lee started towards him and Kara found herself moving instinctively at the same moment.  Billy started to throw himself in front of Roslin.  Rifles were lifted, but before they could be aimed, Spike had stepped back again, away from the soldier who had attracted his attention.  Everyone froze.  Spike wheeled to face the President.

"This would be a test, then?" he said evenly, his back to Adama.

Kara looked past Spike at the Marine he'd almost struck.  Startled dark eyes looked back, and the woman was breathing hard and looking scared.  Sharon Valerii. 

"Yes," said Adama.  "That was a test."

Spike didn't bother turning to face him, still staring at Roslin. 

The President's lips were parted now, and she couldn't hide the hope in her eyes.  "We had to know for certain if you could do what you said."

"Well, now you do."  Spike tilted his head towards Sharon.  "That's a Bot.  A tame one?"

"Not entirely."  Adama's gravelly voice took control of the room.  "Sergeant, take your prisoner back to her cell."

Spike turned around at last, watching them leave.  "She gets as many guards as me."  His lips twisted.  "Maybe she should get more.  You do know she's packing her own hitchhiker, don't you?"

"We know."  Adama stepped closer to Spike.  "But how do you?"

Spike shrugged.  "Same way I know you're human."

"And what," demanded Adama, "are you?"

For the first time, Kara saw Spike's eyes shift away.  This was a question he didn't want to answer.  She held her breath and leaned forward a bit, waiting for his response. 

"I'm an alien," he said at last.

"A what?"  Adama looked bewildered. 

Gaius spoke.  "You said you weren't from any of the colonies.  Besides, we don't bother with the old distinctions so much any more.  There aren't enough of us left."

Spike hunched his shoulders and rolled his eyes.  "Not that kind of alien.  I'm not looking for a bloody green card!"

"Bloody green?"  Gaius blinked.  "Your blood is green?"

"No, Doctor Strangepork," snapped Spike.  "You should know.  You saw my bloody hand in the bloody spaceship after you bloody ripped me off the outside of the bloody hull, and you know bloody well it was red!" 

"Oh," was all Gaius could respond.

Lee snorted.  "So what do you mean?"

"Alien!"  Spike waved his arms in exasperation.  "Not human.  From up—"  he started to gesture, then stopped.  "Well, from up here." 

Lee crossed his arms in front of his chest and did some eye rolling of his own.  "You should have known enough to put on a spacesuit then."

"Yes," said Adama, catching Spike's gaze again.  "How did you survive outside that ship?"

Spike shrugged, looking even more frustrated. "Damned if I know.  When I found myself out there, I thought I'd blow up like a Christmas cracker.  That's what happened on Red Dwarf."

Billy and Lee both started talking at once, with Gaius jumping in, but Adama waved them to silence.  "I really don't have time for this.  I left Tigh to deal with the survivors of the Pegasus."

"And I have to get back to Colonial One."  Roslin stepped around the table.  "I'd like to talk with our guest some more, if I may.  May I take him with me?"

"No!"  Adama realized his voice was harsh, and he softened it as he hastened to add, "At least, you can interrogate him, but I don't want him traveling on the same shuttle with you until we know more."  He turned to Lee.  "Lieutenant, take a raptor and a contingent of guards and deliver this—our guest to Colonial One.  Keep a close eye on him."  He turned and stalked out of the room.

"Nice meeting you too!"  Spike yelled after him.  He turned to grin at Lee and cocked his head in Starbuck's direction.  "So, Flash, can we take the bird with us?"

Chapter Five

 

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