MAMA
As your grown
daughter
looking at you now,
I see reflections of
me
as
though I were
looking
into a mirror.
Memories of you
young and vibrant,
are as clear in my
mind
as if I were still a little
girl
holding onto your
hand.
The lessons you taught
me
are always with me,
especially the ones on
surviving.
The strength I have
inside
is only a shadow of the woman
you are.
I wanted you to know
how very much I love
you.
Not just because you are my
Mother,
but because you are such a special
lady.
Mama always said the yellow rose of Texas was
her favorite flower. I suspect it had something to do with her father
being a Texas Ranger. Who wouldn't be proud of that? I wrote this poem for Mama's birthday
a few years before she left us, never realizing it would eulogize her at her funeral. I remember
when I read it to her, she got a little teary-eyed. I knew I had pleased Mama with
my gift. This poem was fitting to honor Mama the day we buried her the preacher and family
told me.
Mama was diagnosed
with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. That was in the Fall of 2000.
I was told that it was a "benign" disease and that she should live at least five or six
more years. By December I already knew she was leaving us. She passed away with most
of us with her at home on July 5th 2001. I never let go of her hand.
October 12, 2003 - Yet another year has passed, this one without my dear Daddy, too. I am in the last few months coming out of a clinical depression after losing my Daddy. He passed away on November 26, 2002. Maybe it was just too close to losing Mama, I don't know. I have read that people like me, with brain disorders, often times have a much harder time adjusting. All I know is that I lost the only man in this world who loved me unconditionally and I miss him and Mama every day. I want the world to know that I am proud to have been their daughter for they were good and loving parents. I know they are all right, I don't worry about that. I just miss them. If you are interested in reading about life-altering experiences, please read my Near Death Experience. I believe that those of us who have had them were sent back for a reason, some of those reasons have been revealed to me since my NDE twenty-nine years ago.
This time a year is always hard without you and Daddy. I'm glad you can't see me now, Mama. I think I know a little about how you suffered with osteoporosis, I have it too now and I am in pain constantly. But really it is my mental health that has taken a beating, I think I have given up. Forgive me but your Autumn spray of flowers is still in the back of my car. I just can't seem to leave the house any more. But on a happier note, you and Daddy are always in my thoughts. Your words come to me when I need them, you are still very much alive in my heart! I found this old picture of us and I want to share it with everyone.
Margaret C. Rigsby.
Her life was blessed, as mine has been. God has shone His love on my family. Though I
miss her dearly, I know she is at peace now.
Play/Pause Stop
I don't know when or if the grief and pain ever stops, it has now been over a year since Mama died. It would have been her 81st birthday having missed her 80th by a few weeks last year.
For you Mama:
In my heart, you live forever
So if you were here, Mama
this is what I would say:
Happy Birthday!
Are you celebrating in Heaven?
Tell me how it feels not to hurt anymore,
that's something I've never heard you say.
Happy Birthday!
I wish I could see you Mama,
standing straight again with sited eyes.
It's better you can't see me now, I'll see you in Heaven one day.
Happy Birthday!
Just think Mama, you'll never get any older than you were.
Here in my heart I hear your voice with its many inflections,
see your eyes and smile myself when I remember yours.
Happy Birthday!
I miss you Mama, I'm so glad I always tried to
tell you and show you that I loved you.
I'll be all right in time, 'to everything there is a season'.
In my heart, you live forever.
[ Ruth Rigsby-July 30, 1921 - July 5, 2001]
Your loving daughter,
Margaret
July 29, 2002 11:42 p.m.
Peace,
Margaret
May 9, 2004,
Dear Mama,
Happy Mother's day. I still miss you so much. I put a pretty hanging basket by your grave for Mother's day and last month a pretty spray for you and Daddy.
You always said, we'd all forget about you and never visit your grave. I guess you really had no idea how much I love you. I think about you and Daddy all of the time. I'm not as constantly sad anymore because I know you are at peace, which I long to have someday. I mostly just remember the good times and think of you and your beautiful smile and loving ways.
I'm not writing much poetry any more. I just don't seem to have anything to say any more.
Always,
Margaret
Love always,
Margaret 12/09/04
Happy Mother's Day, Mama:
I can hardly believe it's almost been four years since you died. I still miss you very much, I know I always will. You would be surprised how much the world has changed since you left it. I am so glad that you are in a better place. I'm not as strong as you Mama, I try but I'm just not. You held the family together, without you, there is no family. Jamie came and spent time with me today. It made me very happy.
You were the best mother anyone could have ever wanted to have. I feel your love even now.
Love always,
Margaret {May 8, 2005}
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