[Generic Disclaimer: Saiyuki and all the affiliated characters are copyright to Kazuya Minekura. No profit has or will be made off of this fiction.]

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~Lifeline~

Summary: We all have nightmares. But the worst ones happen when you're wide awake--because there is no escape, save for a lifeline to pull you back...

Warnings: G Shounen-ai

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It was a late, late hour, the exact time indiscernible and unimportant.  Somewhere between midnight and dawn, in that pre-twilight expanse of time wherein fragile human minds and bodies search for rest in the deep and ethereal quiet.

If one was lucky, peace could be had here. Thus, it was to this hour which Sanzo gravitated, no matter where or how he was. Here and now, at this time, sleep was almost always attainable and dreams fleeting, if any. Even nightmares, to which he was no stranger, knew to keep their peace in such a time.

He had gone to bed extremely tired. More so than usual, with thoughts and anxieties weighing heavily on his mind, pulling and tugging as they always did like insistent children desperate for attention. As soon as his head had hit the pillow, however, they vanished into the air to await his return to consciousness...

Or at least, that had been the ideal course of events. Instead, he was thrust into a nightmare of the worst kind -- the kind from which no one can escape.

Violet eyes snapped open of their own volition as a familiar numbing terror assaulted him. Panic rose in his gut, out of nowhere, compounded by the vulnerability of his sleep-addled mind, and he nearly cried out. He gasped and clutched, white-knuckled, at the bedsheets.

It's happened before, his mind tried to reconcile. Deep breaths, in and out and --

With another gasp, Sanzo flung the sheets forward and sat up, breathing quick and shallow. His heart raced, frantic, as if taking demanding orders from some entity other than his own body. He closed his eyes against the sensation, willing himself to relax, and it seemed to work. He eased himself to the blankets again, eyes shuttered against the darkness, and tried to sleep.

Sleep....

He'd just fallen into a doze when it happened again, this time with such force that he emitted a strangled cry. His breathing quickened again, far beyond a reasonable cadence, and he could feel his body begin to numb. It spread from his hands, to his arms and legs until he could feel nothing else, hear nothing save for the sounds of labored, unnatural breathing coming from somewhere -- was that him? -- in the room. Shaking violently, he felt himself hovering at the edge of consciousness once more -- If I pass out it will be done -- and willed himself over the precipice.

Or would have, had a strong pair of arms not locked firmly around his back in an embrace so fervent it stole capacity from him.

"Sanzo?" Goku whispered, pressing his face into the monk's back. "Take deep breaths, okay?"

It wasn't happening. None of this was happening, this idiotic panic that stole peace from him when he needed it most, this vulnerability he couldn't shake, like the rest of the weakness he couldn't get rid of. The weakness now clinging to him like a he was a lifeline. I'll ignore you--just go to bed again and leave me alone. Sanzo regained use of his body and tried to squirm away, breath still rattling in his chest like a tin can on a roof, but Goku wouldn't let go.

"I'm not letting you go," he whispered. "Let me do this for you." He pulled Sanzo back to him, tugging on the bare ivory arms in an effort to get him to turn the other way, and Sanzo fought back with as much strength as his exhausted mind and body could muster.

I'm not letting you win, he retorted, I don't need your help, I don't need...

You.

In the midst of the struggle, Sanzo had half-twisted the other way, and their eyes had met. Gold and violet, the colors of royalty, locked in a silent battle against one another. Against themselves.

Don't look at me like this--I hate it when you see me like this....

Goku pulled him forward.

I hate when you touch me like this--

Pulled him foward, and now he could feel a heartbeat beneath his cheek that was not his own. Warmth suffused his already-flushed body, warmth of a different kind, and Sanzo felt himself giving up what little fight he had left. Breathing slowed, and he closed his eyes and shuddered as a gentle arm wrapped itself around his sweat-dampened hair. A kiss brushed the limp tendrils from his eyes before landing on his forehead, lingering, reluctant to let go.

The lifeline.Who was it?  He'd thought for so long that he'd be forced to be a sun for someone else--warm, you're so warm and I shouldn't let you do this --

It's okay, whispered a voice he hadn't heard speak as arms encircled him tightly, enfolding him in their warmth. The heartbeat, still racing a bit in vicarious fear, was beating to match his own. I understand.

Adrift on an ocean of his own making, Sanzo slept.

[~:.:~]

[owari]