[Generic Disclaimer: Saiyuki and all the affiliated characters are copyright to Kazuya Minekura. No profit has or will be made off of this fiction.]

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~For the Smile of Tomorrow~

Summary: Goku is trying to sort out his feelings for Sanzo, and Sanzo is doing his best to protect his saru's smile.

Warnings: Rating is R to be safe, nothing this chapter, but stuff happens in later chapters that might be seen as “inappropriate”

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Chapter 3: Mistakes

He was about to question Homura when he heard Sanzo coming through the brush. Goku opened his mouth to warn him to stay away, but Homura brought his arm up to prevent any sound from escaping.  Seconds later, Sanzo came into the clearing, his face setting into his customary glare as he noticed Homura’s hold on Goku. "Let him go"

“Oh, I intend to.” Homura grinned wickedly as he raised his other hand to Goku’s diadem, pulling it from his head. “Good luck.” With a wink at Sanzo he phased out.

Shit. Was Sanzo’s only thought as Goku fell to the ground clutching his head and screaming in agony.

Goku looked around himself. There was no light, he was surrounded by darkness. Not only that, it was cold too. The kind of cold that stole the warmth from your body and threatened to freeze your heart. Goku recognized the feeling, for it was exactly the same when Konzen had died. This lifeless emptiness that threatened to swallow everything.

Death.

He sensed a source of warmth behind him and turned around. Konzen was standing there, reaching out to him. He seemed to glow with an inner light that was holding back the cold emptiness. Goku reached towards him, whether to save Konzen or to have Konzen save him, he wasn’t sure.

 As he stepped towards Konzen, his features shifted until it was Sanzo standing in front him. Sanzo took a step back then looked at Goku sadly and whispered, “But you cannot always be with me Goku. I am mortal. One day we will be separated by my death. What will you do then Goku?” As he spoke his light began to dim, the darkness overtaking him.

Goku ran frantically towards him, trying to save him from the darkness. But he couldn’t reach Sanzo. For every step he took, Sanzo receded. He called out to the darkness, “You can’t take him! He’s mine! I won’t let you have him. He’s mine!!!!!”

But his cries were to no avail. As Sanzo disappeared, Goku sank to his knees and let a tortured sob escape his throat. “No, no, he’s mine. He’s supposed to be with me forever. You can’t take him from me….onegai….not again…..”

Goku cried into the unfeeling emptiness. With every tear that fell, he felt a little warmth leave his body. He grew unbearably cold. He lay clutching his arms to himself trying to conserve his body heat. It was a futile battle, however, and one that Goku lost as the darkness overwhelmed him.

Goku’s screams turned guttural as his body changed shape. His hair grew longer, his ears pointed, his nails turned to claws. Finally, the yelling subsided. Golden eyes opened, their pupils narrowed to slits. He stood slowly and let his gaze settle on the man before him. Mine.

Sanzo fell into a defensive position as Goku rose from the ground. He prepared himself for an attack. He would have to quickly reform the diadem to control Goku before the young man could cause too much havoc.  It would be difficult to do alone, but he had done it before.

Seiten Taisei looked straight at Sanzo a feral grin dancing across his lips. Mine.  He would make sure that everyone knew he belonged to him. Then no one would be able to take him away. Mine. He took a step towards Sanzo.

The monk uneasily took a step back, this wasn’t normal. Before, Goku had exuded a killing aura in this form. His desire to kill anything and everything would practically overwhelm Sanzo’s senses. But this time….Goku didn’t want to kill him. He took another step back as the grin on Goku’s face made his blood run cold.

Suddenly he disappeared and reappeared behind Sanzo, who had to throw himself to the side to avoid Seiten Taisei’s claws. As it was they ripped through the back of his robe. Sanzo rolled to his feet and blocked the next attack. Sanzo moved as quickly as he could, but each time Goku transformed, he was even stronger and faster than the previous times. Sanzo was having trouble keeping up with the other’s movements.

Seiten Taisei didn’t relent one inch, he kept attacking Sanzo, barely giving the monk a moments rest. Each attack took away a piece of his robe, but failed to draw blood. Sanzo threw the scripture and his shirt to the side for safe keeping. While he did so, Seiten Taisei attacked from his vulnerable backside and tore what was left of his robe from his shoulders.

Sanzo whipped around, ready to block another attack, but Goku had stopped for some reason. He was standing just out of arm’s reach of Sanzo, head cocked to the side. Sanzo resisted the urge to cover his bare torso with his arms. Instead, he stood proud, eyes daring Goku to attack. His hope was to distract Goku enough to replace the diadem like he had last time. But last time I had the scripture- Sanzo cursed himself for his stupidity. He needed the scripture to hold Goku still, but he had just tossed it aside.

He felt his body being slammed into then he hit the ground hard. His momentary slip of concentration had cost him. He found himself trapped underneath Goku, both arms pinned above his head with one of Goku’s. Fuck. Sanzo struggled against his hold, but he could not break free.

An amused smile crossed Goku’s face at Sanzo’s exertion. He brought his free hand to Sanzo’s chest and began to trace patterns on his skin. His claws sliced into Sanzo, and each time he traced over the path he cut a little deeper. Sanzo fought back tears as Goku’s hand played over his chest, resisting the urge to scream. He would not give into the pain. He wouldn’t give Seiten Taisei the satisfaction.

Seiten Taisei leaned down and licked the blood straight off of Sanzo’s skin, making the monk shudder. Goku raised his head up a little and leered down at Sanzo’s trapped body. Sanzo’s eyes widened as he saw the look in the other’s eyes. No, it’s not supposed to happen like this…..

Sanzo doubled his efforts to break free, but they only seemed to encourage Goku. With another smile, he leaned down and forcibly kissed Sanzo, pushing his tongue into the other’s mouth. He brought his free hand up to Sanzo’s neck and traced a line down to his stomach.

Sanzo was suddenly struck with a feeling of helplessness that he hadn’t felt since his master had died. He was completely powerless, there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop Goku. This isn’t the way it was supposed to be. This is wrong.

Seiten Taisei finally released his mouth and gazed down at Sanzo’s chest with glee. “Mine…..” he whispered. Sanzo stared back at him, momentarily shocked. He had never heard Goku speak in this form before. Seiten Taisei seemed pleased by his reaction. He continued to murmur “Mine” over and over as he lowered his head to Sanzo’s neck.

Sanzo closed his eyes to escape what he saw. He kept telling himself that it wasn’t real. Soon he would wake up, and things would be fine. This wasn’t Goku. It wasn’t. It wasn’t. Using the skills he had gained as a monk, Sanzo withdrew his conscious mind deep into himself.

===

Sanzo lifted his head from the bed and glared at Hakkai. “When did you become so annoying?”

Hakkai laughed softly. He lowered his gaze and spoke quietly, “Am I? I suppose I’m lashing out at you. I didn’t know what fear was until I faced Goku in his berserk mode. He had entrusted me with bringing him back. Me! But I was powerless to stop him. I have never felt so weak. But I can’t help but be a little bitter at myself for it. What’s worse, by letting him down the results of what he’s done will hurt him even more. It’s just so sad.”

Will hurt him even more.

Will hurt him.

Hurt him.

===

Sanzo’s eyes snapped open. He was Genjyo Sanzo, dammit, and Genjyo Sanzo does not lie down and accept defeat. He faces reality head on. If I don’t, I will only end up hurting Goku.

The demon already had his free hand clutching Sanzo’s waist, and when he had felt Sanzo go unconscious, he had moved the other one down his body to grab onto one of his legs, separating them and settling himself in between them.

Seiten Taisei was currently running his hands up and down Sanzo’s sides, and working his mouth lower on the monk’s torso. He skipped over the cuts on his chest and was alternately kissing and biting the man’s stomach. Sanzo inhaled sharply, and berated himself for enjoying the feeling. Slowly, he moved his now free hands down and entangled them in Seiten Taisei’s hair.

The demon did not seem to mind as he began tugging at the waistband of Sanzo’s jeans. Sanzo slowly moved his hands so they encircled Goku’s head and whispered, “Return to your human form.” The diadem appeared in a burst of light, sealing Seiten Taisei within Goku once again.

Goku fell forward, unconscious, onto Sanzo’s stomach. Sanzo let his head fall back to the ground with a sigh of relief. His heart was still pounding and his breath was coming out ragged. Sanzo closed his eyes and began to meditate, this time willing his body to relax. He felt his heartbeat slow and his breathing return to normal. He opened his eyes and moved to sit up, but almost cried out as his chest flared with pain.

Goku stirred at the movement. As he awakened he could acutely smell blood, Sanzo’s blood. His head shot up, but he had trouble moving past that. As he looked down, he realized why.  He was currently lying on his stomach, arms on either side of Sanzo’s hips, his body lying between the other’s legs.

As he raised his gaze from Sanzo’s stomach his eyes widened in horror at the monk’s chest. He looked down to his own hands disbelievingly, but his fingers were covered in blood. He brought himself up to his knees and leaned over Sanzo, hands inches away from Sanzo’s chest.

“Mine” he breathed in misery. Sanzo’s head jerked up at the word, eyes wide. He followed Goku’s gaze down to his body and realized that Seiten Taisei hadn’t been drawing random patterns on his chest. It was kanji. Just one word. Mine.

Sanzo suddenly felt extremely light-headed. The world began to swim around him, all he could see was Goku’s worried face, but soon that too faded to black.

===

Sanzo awoke slowly. The first thing that he noticed was that he wasn’t on hard ground, but something soft. He guessed that he was back at the inn. Next he noticed that he wasn’t wearing a shirt as a cool breeze tickled his skin, causing him to shiver. He brought his arms up to warm himself, catching the attention of someone in the room.

Goku jumped up from the chair he had been sitting in and leaned over Sanzo to make sure that he was all right. When Sanzo opened his eyes, all he saw was Goku’s face staring down at him. without thinking, Sanzo jerked away from him.

Goku looked hurt by his actions. He reached out to Sanzo to apologize, but the monk slapped his hand away snarling, “Don’t touch me.”

Goku grabbed onto his hand and took a step back from the bed, eyes filling with anguish. Sanzo always said that to people when they tried to touch him, but he had never said that to Goku. Not to him. Never to him. Now he really hates me. Goku thought as he spun on his heel and ran from the room.

Too late, Sanzo reached out to stop Goku. “Baka” he whispered to himself. He had really done it this time. But right now he couldn’t stand to look at Goku. Not after what he had done.

Sanzo shook his head free of such thoughts. He stood up and moved over to the door closing and locking it. He leaned against it. Kami, I need a smoke. He went in search of his cigarettes, but stopped as he caught sight of himself in the mirror.

His chest was covered in red lines, obviously recently closed wounds. He approached the mirror, tracing the patterns with his hand. He stood transfixed, as thoughts and emotions began flying through his head. Goku’s eyes as he carved into his chest. Goku’s eyes as he forced his way into his mouth. Goku’s eyes as they raked over his bare form. Goku’s eyes as Sanzo slapped his hand away and yelled at him…. Finally, he tore his gaze away and began looking for his clothes.

His robe was lying on the floor, a bloody, tattered mess. He could only assume that Goku had used it to staunch the blood flow from his wounds. He picked it up in disgust and threw it into the trash can. He found his shirt, thankful that he hadn’t put it on before, and slipped it over his head, tucking it into his jeans. He pulled on his arm bands and tucked his gun into the back of his jeans. He put his scripture into his bag, where he found his cigarettes.

He lit a cigarette and leaned against the wall, inhaling deeply as he looked out the window to the street below. Goku was down there, talking to Gojyo and Hakkai. Even though he couldn’t see the saru’s face, he could sense the distress radiating off of him.

Sanzo closed his eyes against the sight, but he could still feel it. He crushed his cigarette and grabbed his bag, stalking out of the room. He couldn’t stay mad at Goku, it was impossible. But he couldn’t forget. At least, not yet.

===

Goku ran down the stairs and out the front of the inn, nearly knocking Gojyo and Hakkai over. Hakkai grabbed Goku to halt his movement. Noticing the tears in the young man’s eyes, he leaned down and asked concernedly, “Goku, what’s wrong?”

“Sanzo hates me!” Goku moaned, throwing his arms around Hakkai’s waist.

Hakkai and Gojyo exchanged worried glances. Gojyo reached down and patted him on the head and said in a carefree way. “I’m sure he doesn’t, this isn’t the first time you’ve tried to kill him.”

“I wasn’t trying to kill him!” Goku said as he pulled back from Hakkai. He wiped his eyes furiously and tried to get a better hold of himself. “If it was just that, then Sanzo wouldn’t be so mad at me!”

Hakkai placed his hands on Goku’s shoulders, offering comfort where he could. “It’ll be ok Goku. Are you sure he’s really angry, and not just worried, like last time?”

Goku’s head fell forward, and he mumbled despairingly. “Hai. When he woke up I went to see if he was ok, and he hit me and told me not to touch him!”

“What’s wrong with that?” Gojyo asked, crossing his arms, “He tells me that all the time.”

“Tells you that! Not me though! I’ve always been allowed to. Because I’m…. I’m….” Goku trailed off and stared miserably at the ground.

Hakkai and Gojyo looked at him oddly, but before they could say anything, Sanzo came through the front door. Without so much of a glance at Goku he pronounced:  “We’re leaving. Now. Go get your shit together.”

He kept walking until he reached the corner of the inn, where he leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette. Hakkai and Gojyo stared after him, while Goku ran into the inn. Hakkai made a move towards Sanzo, but Gojyo caught his arm and nodded his head from side to side. Hakkai cast another look at Sanzo before following Gojyo inside.

Within five minutes the Sanzo-ikkou were in Hakuryu and leaving town. Sanzo sat staring straight ahead, his face an impassive mask. Goku was curled up dejectedly in the back seat, occasionally glancing at Sanzo. Hakkai cast a worried look to Gojyo through the mirror. Gojyo caught his stare and shrugged.

And the journey westward continued, the sound of the engine seeming infinitely loud in the silence. 

[~:.:~]

[~end of chapter~]