[Generic Disclaimer: Saiyuki and all the affiliated characters are copyright to Kazuya Minekura. No profit has or will be made off of this fiction.]

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~For the Smile of Tomorrow~

Summary: Goku is trying to sort out his feelings for Sanzo, and Sanzo is doing his best to protect his saru's smile.

Warnings: Rating is R to be safe.

 ===

Chapter 2: Realizations

Sanzo stared into those trusting eyes that were exactly the same as when they had first met. One of the few things that hadn’t changed. He sighed sadly. “Whatever you say now, one day you will long for a family and life of your own. And on that day, you will leave me.” He stood and slowly left the roof.

Goku watched him leave and sat for a long time staring after him. Finally, he got up and followed.

Goku entered the room silently; he looked over and noticed that Sanzo was already lying on the bed, his pale form illuminated by the moonlight. Goku walked over to him and stared down at his features. He loved watching Sanzo sleep; he was so relaxed and beautiful.....

Beautiful?  Goku thought in bewilderment, but as he continued to gaze down at Sanzo’s face, his soft skin seeming to glow with ethereal light, he was overwhelmed by the desire to touch him and see if he felt like he looked.

He reached out his hand and tentatively touched Sanzo’s cheek. “Beautiful,” he whispered unconsciously as his hand traced Sanzo’s jaw line and then moved over his lips. Suddenly, Goku pulled back his hand as though he had been burned, and stared at it, mystified, then back at Sanzo.

His face scrunched up in confusion and he slowly backed away to his own bed, his eyes still on Sanzo. He sat down when the back of his knees hit the mattress, his thoughts so jumbled that he didn’t realize he was sitting until he let his hand fall to his side. He jumped, slightly startled by the feel of the sheets against his hand. He took one long last look at Sanzo, then laid down and fell into a fitful sleep.

After Goku’s breathing had deepened Sanzo allowed his eyes to open. He sat up and looked at Goku, equally confused by the young man's actions. It had taken most of his willpower not to move when he felt Goku’s hand. Could this mean that he might actually….?

Sanzo raised his hand to his own face, tracing the same areas Goku’s hand so recently had. It was obvious to him that the boy was still confused about what he felt, but maybe…… maybe there was a chance that Goku really wouldn’t leave him.

His thoughts were interrupted as he felt demonic presences. They weren’t close enough to be a threat yet, but they were in their path. Sanzo knew that they would run into the youkai the next day. Might as well take care of them now.

Sanzo quickly left the room and began his hunt. He needed to finish before dawn or else Goku would worry about him being gone. He didn’t need Goku to be upset by his absence. After all, Goku was the reason he was doing this.

In the darkness of the halls, Sanzo let a smile play across his features at the thought of Goku and his recent actions. Hope stirred in his chest, giving him the confidence to carry through with his plan.

===

Goku opened his eyes and immediately squinted them against the sunlight. A cool breeze coaxed his eyes back open. Above him he saw a sky bluer than any he had beheld on earth, dotted with perfectly white clouds. He sat up slowly and looked around in wonder.

He was sitting in a beautiful field of flowers that extended as far as his eyes could see- and he was not alone. Not twenty feet from him, sat- It’s me. Goku thought in befuddlement. He was much younger than he could ever remember being. Even younger than when Sanzo freed him.

He got up and walked over to the boy and tried to speak to him, but he did not seem to see Goku. Instead, he continued happily picking daisies and turning them into a crown while humming a little tune. Goku observed his younger self with fascination, a sense of déjà vu slowly coming over him. He once again perused the field, not being able to shake the feeling that he had been there before.

The young boy abruptly let out a squeal of delight and held up the finished crown. When he got up and began to run, Goku pursued. As he ran, he felt his heart lift. Somehow he knew that he was heading somewhere wonderful. His younger version laughed and held out his arms, running headlong into the wind, and Goku found himself doing the same.

Goku had always loved nature, and back at the temple had spent much of his time outdoors. The journey west had limited his playtime immensely, and he was greatly saddened by the fact that he wasn’t able to take the time to enjoy being outside.

Because of this, Goku completely abandoned himself to the feeling of freedom taking over. He threw his arms to the side and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. He laughed out loud at the sensation of the wind ruffling his hair and caressing his skin. He ran so quickly that he soon left his younger, and much shorter self behind, but he did not stop to wait. He ran and ran towards the intangible but extraordinary goal in front of him.

Soon he saw a compound of buildings that also seemed hauntingly familiar. He was mildly surprised to find that, even alone, he knew exactly where he was going.  He had run this pathway often as a child, he needed no guide. Left here, right here, straight along this path, through the gate, another right, almost there…….

Goku came to a stop in front of a large wooden door. He reached forward and lovingly caressed the wood. Suddenly he knew what lay on the other side of that door. He knew what he had run so far to gain, or rather who. The only person in the entire universe who really mattered. His sun.

Goku pushed against the door, longing to see the man on the other side. But, just as the shadow of his former self could not see him, the door refused to move at his touch. He began frantically pounding against it, anxious to look upon his sun, needing his light.

As if in answer to his request the young Goku came bounding up behind him and burst through the door. Goku followed him inside and watched as he jumped over the desk and into his lap. He had been right, it was Sanzo, and yet it wasn’t. Goku looked at the man closely. Though the body was slightly different, there was no mistaking the soul lying within.

Konzen was thrown back by the force of Goku jumping on him, but couldn't help but smile as the young heretic crowned him with the daisies. He reached out and petted him on the head while muttering an affectionate “bakasaru”.

Goku’s heart lurched as he recognized the actions. "Sanzo......."

Suddenly the scene around him faded to black and another took its place. Goku watched in horror as Konzen shielded him and took a sword through the gut. The blood splattered, covering young Goku’s face. Goku ran over to the pair in terror, not wanting to believe the sight in front of him.

 “Konzen…..” Both Goku’s whispered his name as their sun fell to his knees. But he did not answer either Goku. He merely coughed up blood from the attack he had just taken.

“Konzen!” This time only the young heretic had spoken. Goku was frozen, unable to move or speak as he fully realized that this was no dream. This had happened.

Konzen collapsed on top of young Goku, no longer able to support his own weight.

“Konzen! Konzen!” The poor boy continued to scream his keepers name. Goku felt tears begin to stream down his face as he once again watched Konzen die.

Konzen’s eyes slowly opened and he gazed for the last time at the one who he loved. “Wait for me, Goku. I’ll come back to you. Just…..wait…..”

“KONZEN!!!!” His young self screamed as the man died and Goku’s heart cried out in unison as the memory of his sun’s last words and their implications hit him full force.

Goku watched sadly as his former self was dragged screaming from the room. Watched as his own memory was sealed.  Watched as 500 years under a lonely mountain passed.  Only this time, he heard and understood the cry of his soul.

Konzen! Konzen! Konzen! Over and over he had silently screamed for his sun to rescue him. Goku finally comprehended the profound loneliness he had felt all of those years. The gods had taken away his memory, but not his heart. And for that reason, he had suffered immensely without knowing why.

Until that the fateful day when he saw him again. Konzen had come to him just as he promised. He reached out his hand and spoke the words Goku had waited centuries to hear: "You. Are you the one who's been calling to me?"

And his loneliness, along with his chains, had melted away.

===

Goku met his gaze, and spoke with conviction. “I will wait for you.”

“Wait for me? For how long?” Sanzo cocked his head a little to the side as he contemplated Goku’s responses.

“For as long as it takes.” Goku unconsciously reached out and grasped the front of Sanzo’s robe, as if the contact would strengthen his words. “Forever if I have to.”

Sanzo raised a hand to pet his head in his usual manner, but his hand stopped halfway and he placed it instead on Goku’s cheek. His voice came out no louder than a whisper, “Forever is and awfully long time. What if I never come back?”

Goku, struck breathless at the display of affection, managed to whisper in reply, “I waited for you before, and you came. I believe that you would come again.”

===

Goku sat up in bed, breathing heavily. He looked towards Sanzo’s bed, but it was empty. He flopped back down on his mattress and tried to sort through what he had just dreamt. Konzen…..He had seen that man before. Both times he transformed into Seiten Taisei, that man had flashed before his vision. And now, he knew who he was. His keeper, his sun....Sanzo.

Goku tried to sort out what to do but he couldn't think of anything. The only thing that he was sure of was that he wanted to see Sanzo. Now.

Goku jumped out of bed and, after a cursory search of his room and the restaurant, ran to Gojyo and Hakkai’s room to ask if they had seen Sanzo. He burst through the door without knocking and was greeted with the site of a naked Hakkai being straddled by a likewise naked Gojyo. The two men broke their kiss and stared at Goku in mortification and anger, respectively.

"Don’t you know how to knock you damned monkey?" Gojyo demanded angrily as he pulled a sheet around himself and his lover.

Goku brushed off the comment, too hurried to be embarrassed. "Where's Sanzo?"

 Hakkai and Gojyo exchanged confused glances before turning back to Goku. "Sorry, Goku, we haven't seen him." Hakkai answered apologetically.

"Right, ok,” Goku said then ran from the room slamming the door behind him. The two men looked after him for a second, as if they were unsure that Goku had even been there.

“Does he even realize that the sun’s not up yet?” Gojyo wondered aloud. “I mean, what’s he doing up anyways? He’s always the last one awake.”

“Yes, it is odd.” Hakkai agreed. “But, we can worry about that later. I do believe you were in the middle of something.”

Gojyo grinned down at Hakkai, “Yes, I do believe I was.”

===

to the inn. There had been 20 or so demons, and a few of them had actually been a challenge to kill. He grimaced as he noticed the state of his robe. Goku’s going to be upset. He just washed this for me, and now I’ll have to explain why it’s dirty again.

Thankfully, Sanzo recalled that he had seen a small lake on his way out to the demons. The sun was just now coming up, so he had time to wash his robes and dry them before Goku woke up several hours after sunrise.

Sanzo quickly arrived at the lake and peeled his robe off to wash it. As he did so, he was made acutely aware of just how much of a work out he had received that morning. His robe was covered in his sweat, and the clothes that he wore under it were in even worse shape.

Sanzo wrinkled his nose in disgust at himself. Though traveling with three other guys didn’t lend itself to being the cleanliest of experiences, Sanzo still made a concerted effort not to be disgusting. After feeling to make sure that no one was around, he stripped off the rest of his clothes and rinsed them in the water and laid them out to dry.

Sanzo looked down at the clear lake and dove in. The water was cool, a nice relief to the humid morning air. He swam across the lake, allowing a smile to cross his face at the feeling. Though he hated rain, he had always been fond of bodies of water. He had been found in and named after a river, something he thought of as a privilege rather than a disgrace.

In his seemingly private pool, Sanzo allowed himself to relax as he never did when around other people. He came to the surface and floated on his back, staring at the last of the stars as they disappeared in the growing light of day. As he watched their lights fade he couldn’t help but think that this moment would be perfect if he had a certain someone by his side to share it with.

He started as he felt a strong presence moving towards himself at an alarmingly fast rate. He looked over to his clothes on the other side of the lake where his gun was sitting. He stood and made for it as the sound of footsteps reached his ears. He cursed when he realized that he wouldn’t make it in time.

===

thought he felt a little something, but it was faint. He moved towards where he thought the feeling was coming from, hoping that he was right. He burst out of the back door of the inn, facing east. He could just see the tip of the sun peaking over the horizon. He’s that way.

He ran into the woods deeper and deeper, desperately needing to see Sanzo. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Sanzo was in some sort of trouble. The scent of blood reached his nostrils, spurring him to even greater speeds.

He caught a flash of blond in front of him and increased his speed again. He burst through the underbrush, and stopped just short of falling into a lake. There in front of him was Sanzo. Thank god, he’s all right. Goku almost fainted with relief.

“What are you doing?” He demanded, falling to the ground in exhaustion.

“Taking a bath, what does it look like? What are YOU doing?” Sanzo asked crossly.

“I woke up, and you weren't there, so I.......” Goku trailed off and quickly reddened. Sanzo was standing a few feet away from the bank, waist deep in water. His upper body and hair were dripping wet, each drop of water seeming to cling to his skin as it traveled down to meet the main body of the water, under which the rest of Sanzo waited. Sanzo’s back was to the rising sun, and he was haloed by its light. Goku held his breath at the way the sunlight glinted off of Sanzo’s body.

Sanzo watched Goku’s expression carefully. Himself turning a little red under Goku’s intense scrutiny. He resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably as Goku’s gaze slowly traveled down his body.

Goku realized where he was staring and immediately snapped his head away, trying to find something else to look at.  He quickly noticed Sanzo’s clothes drying on the opposite bank. His discomfort faded and his eyes narrowed in suspicion as he found the source of the scent of blood. “Sanzo, why do you smell like blood?”

Sanzo, bristled slightly at the comment, his annoyance heightened by his embarrassment. He drew himself up and answered, his tone daring Goku to reprimand him, “Because I just got done killing some demons in the area.”

Goku angrily jumped to his feet. “Why didn't you wake me? You shouldn't go out alone!” Sanzo cast Goku a withering glare. Under Sanzo’s glower, his concern seemed almost childish. It’s not like Sanzo can’t take care of himself.

"I don't need your protection, saru. I got by quite well before you came along." Sanzo responded harshly.

Goku took a step back, stung. Sanzo grimaced when he saw the look Goku was giving him. Once again he had hurt Goku without meaning to. He moved over to the bank and spoke contritely, “Goku, I-”

Goku’s breath hitched at the sound of his name. He slowly walked to Sanzo and dropped to his knees, so he was eye level with the monk. Sanzo placed his hand on Goku’s head, searching for the words to soften his statement.

Goku let his gaze settle on the ground. He spoke softly his voice full of sorrow, “I know you don’t need me, Sanzo. You can take care of yourself, you can live without me.” He raised his head and met Sanzo’s gaze unflinchingly, “But I can’t live without you.”

He stared at Sanzo, seeing not only the man who stood before him, but also the man he used to be. Suddenly the 500 years they had spent apart, all of the loneliness and heartbreak he had been forced to endure, threatened to choke him. Unable to bear it, Goku leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Sanzo’s neck.

 Sanzo did shift uneasily as the object of his affections pressed his body firmly against his own. He was about to push the young boy away when he tightened his embrace and whispered, "I missed you, I missed you so much, don't ever leave me again."

Sanzo, unaware of Goku’s meaning-after all, he had only been gone for an hour or two at most- but concerned nonetheless, put his arms around him to comfort him. He allowed himself a moment of indulgence as his arms settled around Goku’s slim waist and his head rested on top of Goku’s. He repressed a contented sigh, I could stay like this forever…..

Unfortunately, a moment was all he could allow himself as he felt his body begin to respond to Goku’s innocent touch. He put his hands on Goku’s shoulders and pushed the young man back a little, careful not to be too rough so he wouldn’t upset the boy further. “Why don't you let me get dressed, and then we can go get some breakfast.”

Goku flushed, remembering that Sanzo wasn’t clothed. He sat back, blushing and apologizing, “I’m sorry Sanzo! I shouldn't have....I mean.....”

Sanzo swam over to his clothes as Goku was stuttering. Goku watched Sanzo as he moved through the water, admiring how relaxed and graceful his movements were. And the way his muscles-

“Goku.” Sanzo had reached the opposite bank and was looking back at him expectantly. "Oh!" Goku yelped, and quickly turned around.

He heard Sanzo get out of the water and tired in vain not to imagine what he knew he would see if he turned around: Sanzo- dripping wet, the sunlight dancing on his skin. Suddenly the scene in the inn came to mind, only this time instead of Gojyo and Hakkai, it was him straddling Sanzo. Goku’s eyes closed as the scene played out in his head.

He leaned over Sanzo, kissing him passionately before moving down to his neck. He let his hands roam freely over Sanzo’s muscled chest and abdomen, grinning in satisfaction as Sanzo arched into his touch. He moved his hands down and gripped Sanzo’s waist pulling them closer together as he left his mark on his pale neck…..

Sanzo heard a peculiar sound from the other side of the lake. He looked up from buttoning his jeans and called, “Oi, Goku. Are you that hungry?”

Goku’s eyes opened in shock. Even though his back was to Sanzo, he clasped his hands in his lap, hiding his traitorous body from any eyes. He turned his head and looked at Sanzo, who was still only half dressed. Goku tore his eyes away from his admiration of Sanzo’s toned stomach and jumped up, quickly disappearing into the trees.

Sanzo watched him run away. What the hell is wrong with him? He pulled his robe on, tying it quickly, then grabbed his shirt, arm protectors, and scripture before hurrying off in the direction Goku had gone.

Goku ran away from Sanzo trying to get the image out of his mind, but the more he tried the more he thought about it, and the more labored his breathing became. Finally he sank to the ground and scowled.

Dammit, this isn’t right! It’s Sanzo!  He screamed at himself, but for some reason, he wasn’t buying it. He tried thinking of things to make his body cool down, but nothing was coming to mind. He continued scowling until he a presence behind him. Sanzo’s violet gaze was replaced with a blue and gold one. Well, that did the trick. He smiled wryly.

"Hey there Homura. Come for the scripture?" He asked as he stood and faced the prince of war.

Homura just smiled and advanced toward him. "Not exactly, would I attack only you if that's what I wanted?"

Goku began to feel a bit uneasy, Homura was eyeing him funny and he didn't like it. So he did what he always did, he attacked. Homura easily blocked his punch, then caught Goku’s wrist and spun him so his back was pressed against Homura’s chest. Homura put his other arm around Goku’s waist, to stop him from escaping. “There we go. Now we wait for Konzen.”

Goku stopped struggling and his head snapped up at the name. That’s right, Homura always calls Sanzo that. I wonder if Homura was around back then?

He was about to question Homura when he heard Sanzo coming through the brush. Goku opened his mouth to warn him to stay away, but Homura brought his arm up to prevent any sound from escaping.  Seconds later, Sanzo came into the clearing, his face setting into his customary glare as he noticed Homura’s hold on Goku. "Let him go"

“Oh, I intend to.” Homura grinned wickedly as he raised his other hand to Goku’s diadem, pulling it from his head. “Good luck.” With a wink at Sanzo he phased out.

Shit. Was Sanzo’s only thought as Goku fell to the ground clutching his head and screaming in agony.

[~:.:~]

[~end of chapter~]