Saturday, April 18, 2012 10:40pm
Guess I do need to post something
What a difference a few weeks can make, huh?
First and foremost, Saturday we had to put Tabby to sleep. :'( I meant to post something then (and the last few days for that matter), but the emotions were just too strong. :( I do miss her so much!! After all, she was always there for me when I needed her the most. She was our pet during my teen years, and well.... with how nightmarish those were, her being there meant so much to me! I mean, whenever I'd look and see a world that didn't want me, Tabby was always there wanting my attention. In fact, I was thinking about it, and think I'd go so far as to say that she just might be the reason I made it thru high school without killing myself. So her absence leaves a massive emptiness inside me. :'( Still find myself reaching down to pet her, expecting her to be there, or looking around for her. Hell.... just writing this is getting me all teary-eyed. :'( So with that in mind, although I intended to have a lengthy post about it, I'm not sure how much more I can do, so I'll just leave it at I miss her SO MUCH!! :(
Now, with that out of the way, I guess it's time to say the second thing I need to post about, this coming to a head this afternoon.
So back on the 21st I had mentioned that Jan and I had made plans for her to come up and visit a week and a half later. Unfortunately, until last Monday, that was the last I had heard from her, despite the fact that she had said she'd call and whatnot. Needless to say, she never came up. :( And when I finally did hear from her a week after the fact, she told me how she wasn't able to get on Yahoo IM to chat, and she had an urgent photoshoot she had to attend, and thus why she wasn't able to make it. Well, that was all I had heard from her, despite the fact that I couldn't help but notice she was on Facebook plenty. That had me worried. She was able to post pics and whatnot on FB, but couldn't get on Yahoo to chat or e-mail me or call or anything? So the past few days I developed this sneaking suspicion that all that was just a lie, and in fact I was scammed. So, I decided to create a dummy Yahoo account, and add her to that. If she didn't add me at any point until I heard from her again, all would be fine. But if she did.... that wouldn't be good. Well.... this afternoon she added the dummy account, while not acknowledging me on my actual one. :( She was visible to it, while not being so to me-me (which certainly suggests she blocked me). And as my dummy account, she chatted with me freely (even tried changing my chat-style, just to be sure she didn't know it was me (actually using upper-case letters and no emoticons)). :( Among the things she said was that she had caught her BF a couple weeks ago cheating on her with her best friend -- when that BF was supposed to be me. So yeah.... after enough time, I busted her when she asked for my pic. She tried back-tracking, but it just wasn't making any sense, as I let the ruse going long enough for her to burry herself too deep. Yahoo was hacked and she lot all her contacts? Okay. So what about Facebook and Gmail (even if you give her not having my number put on her phone, and thus having lost that)? Not to mention the whole cheating BF timing. So yeah..... it's official: Janielle was nothing more than another scammer. Really pissed me off when she tried telling me as the dummy account the same thing she told me-me, that she wasn't like the other girls (when she is). Actually laughed when she said it's not easy to know when someone is lying online, but I could trust her! :P
So yeah..... that's officially over for me. Too bad all I have to show for it is an aching heart (I was prepared enough for the possibility, so it's not as bad as it could be), an empty wallet and a really nice picture frame with no picture for it. :( Oh, and the renewed inability to trust people I meet online, which is the the only way for me to meet people. :( Guess Rebecca was right; this was another Ana incident. :( But hey.... if anyone wants to flame her or tell her she doesn't deserve me or whatever, facebook.com/janiellewilson. Just a shame that I KNOW I'll never get an apology from her. I mean, I feel bad about the ruse, but well.... I had to do it. Didn't want to, but I didn't have much of a choice in the matter, did I? Had I not, I'd still be being strung along. Now I know that I just have to forget about her. Although I wish I didn't have to. :( Just really sucks now having my "almost got together with someone, with a date to meet set, only for things to fall apart" count up to four times. :( I think that officially puts me in the need of someone to do a dating site profile on my behalf. Create one and do all the contacting women for me, with my only involvement being providing necessary info. At this point, I really do think that's the only chance I have. Too bad I don't have anyone to do that for me. :(
Rather than leave this post all negative, I figured I'll provide one positive. :) It doesn't fully counter all that negative, but it's something. :) Turns out our getting HBO Go couldn't have come at a better time! :D Xbox Live Rewards has this thing going this month where you can earn 300 Microsoft points for completing three different things. Each thing in and of itself has various options, but the only question mark I'd have otherwise had was the "Entertainment" part of spending 10 hours using one of a number of apps on Xbox Live. One of those being HBO Go. :) It's also about the only one I'd be able to use for 10 hours, forgoing playing any games. :P So I'm up to 8 hours now, having watched some shows and movies. :) The other two parts I've got covered already (spend an hour using the Facebook app thru Xbox Live and spend 800 points on games/game add-ons (in this case, Mass Effect 2 DLC)). :)
Saturday, March 24, 2012 1:35am
Looking forward to being able to use it! :D
So last week I got an e-mail from our Mediacom saying that they had finally gotten a deal done to provide HBO Go. Unfortunately, when I went to set it up so I could utilize it, I was being limited to PG-13/TV-14 programming, due to the parental control settings. Well, for whatever reason, I couldn't figure out how to correct that (seeing as it shouldn't have been the case). Well, today Smee posted something on FB about HBO Go, which prompted me to try again, and for whatever reason I decided to try logging in with dad's e-mail address (since the site was saying that's who limited my access), and low-and-behold, there were the settings for everyone! :D Turns out the PG-13/TV-14 restrictions are the default for everyone except the main address of the ISP account. So I got that changed (as well as giving myself admin access, since, well..... I'm the admin of the computer :P). :) So yay! Now if I miss something (be it CYE, or this Life's Too Short show I've been watching), I can see it later in HD rather than SD on OnDemand. :D And I've got a chance to watch other shows I meant to check out (like Eastbound & Down) but just never got the chance. Again, in HD (and from the beginning)! :D
With that all set, I began to think, "Too bad Cimemax stuff isn't on here," since Cinemax is run by HBO. Naturally, that prompted me to look, and sure enough, there it was; Max Go! :D SCORE!!!!! :D Now I can watch the latest Skinemax shows in HD on my schedule. :) Which is nice, since the shows anymore are actually pretty damn good (from a story standpoint :P)! I'm pretty sure I had mentioned how good I thought the show Femme Fatales was, and the latest one is also pretty good, although not as take-out-the-sex-and-you-still-have-a-great-show good. :) Plus, a recent episode got me renewing my interest in considering starting to go by Jase/Jace instead of Jason. :) There's a character in it named Jason who recently was called that, I just liked the sound of it. :) Which is actually kind of funny. :P It occurred to me the other day that, if things go as well with Janielle as I hope, that'd be awfully fitting. :) Growing up I remember watching, among other cartoons, Space Ghost. On that, he had a pair of teenage sidekicks (plus a monkey too). What were their names? The boy's name was Jace and the girl's name was Jan! :D I think that's just awesome. :P Anywoo.... yeah.... YAY for having HBO/Max Go now! :D
Thursday, March 22, 2012 4:35pm
With great happiness comes great sadness :(
Of course finding someone after all these years couldn't possibly be everything to happen now, right? I can't be TOO happy. :(
So Tabby's face had become rather swollen on one side a little while back, and when she went to the vet, they said they weren't sure what it was exactly, but it could be either cancer or just an infection, but she would have to be checked out by a specialist to know for sure. Well, Monday mom and dad took her to Ames to have it checked out, and she came back home yesterday, and mom just told me that it is in fact cancer, and that she's being given 3-6 months (and more towards the shorter end). :'( Granted, she is 17, but still. It's tough knowing that we basically are going to be losing her this year for sure. :'( I mean, she's my shadow!!! :) No matter where I am, she's almost always right there too! At the computer, she's on this old printer shelf thingy of the desk. Watching TV/playing video games, she's nestled somewhere below my waist (either on my lap, between my knees, or on/up against an ankle), especially when I have my blanket! :) She regularly follows me into the bathroom when I go to bed every night. Whenever I go downstairs, she wants to go down too. Oh, and let's not forget all the cat toys that she brings back to my bedroom door after I go to bed! :)
It's going to be tough losing her. :(
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 1:45pm
Cue the late, great Etta James :)
Okay, I'll admit that now the lack of posts is just laziness on my part. :P
But anywoo, anyone who's been reading this for a significant length of time probably knows how desperate I can be to find someone, with every year that passes, it getting worse and worse. Well, I guess there's some truth to that saying that love will find you when you least expect it or stop looking. :)
So I met this girl online (incidentally, on V-Day) and we were chatting somewhat regularly for a few weeks, and it was really nice and fun. :) Meanwhile, on a number of dating websites that I have a profile on, I was just continuing to be ignored time and time again (including by a girl who said to write her if you're: tall, awkward geek, as that's her type (sound familiar?)). I was reaching my breaking point with this, and was this close to just saying "Fuck it," and closing them all down. So, while chatting a week ago (hard to believe it's only been that long), I asked Janielle (this girl I met -- I have to say her name someplace :) ) to be completely honest with me and tell me what she thought I'd be on a scale of 1 to 10 (I figured we'd not known eachother quite long enough to have her say something better than reality, just to spare my feelings like I would feel I'd get from, say, Becky). I was expecting a 2 or 3 (since that's what I always got on various sites that allow photo rating), maybe a 4; 5 absolute tops! What's she say? 8! Naturally I questioned her about that, but it was genuine. :) Struggling to comprehend someone as beautiful as she is (full disclosure, she is an actual model) thinking that highly of me, I asked her, hypothetically, she'd actually consider dating someone like me, to which she eventually said that "Yes... I want you to be mine." :) Even after I tried to make sure she was well aware of my flaws that every other woman out there wants nothing to do with me because of (to which she said she totally understood my position). So that let loose the emotions. :P
Now, at first I wasn't sure if what I was feeling was having fallen for her (took me a long time to feel that way about Rebecca, but then at the same time, a.) that was totally new for me, and b.) there was never any talk about us getting together before it hit me how I had felt about her), or if it was just the excitement of someone actually expressing a real interest in me after literally having waited half my life for it ot happen, and me just getting all caught up in that. Well, the answer to that came over the weekend. :) She needed to head out of town for the weekend for a conference thingy, and that she wouldn't be online. LONGEST. WEEKEND. EVER!!!!! :) I was missing her so much! Just like when Rebecca was at sea!! If I was feeling that bad and out of it after just a couple days, there was no doubt in my mind of what it was! :) And when she did get back, she felt the same way! :D And said she loved me!!! :D I was so thrilled that I didn't have to feel weird about feeling the same way and worrying about saying it!!!!! :D
So that said, I'm feeling great!!!! :D I'm also feeling motivated like I've never felt before, all thanks to Jan! :D Things aren't going to instantly change overnight mind you, but now I have a real reason. :) After getting on the scale and having officially dropped 25 lbs since before Virginia, having done little more than just not pigging out on junk food all the time, I'm now inspired to lose another 25 to be at somewhat of a proper weight, just for her!!! :) I'm also already starting to see myself gaining that self-confidence that's been sorely lacking the last too many years! And you know, with just that alone, I can't help but think, "Haven't I been saying that's exactly what would happen if I just could find someone, for how many years now?" :P So yeah, I've been right all this time, and nobody ever believed me! So suck on that! :P
Anywoo..... so last night we were chatting, and we got it set up! We'll be meeting eachother face-to-face next Friday (sadly, she lives in NC, so this will need to be a LDR, but those can work if both people really want it)!!!! She'll be coming up to spend the weekend with me! :D That's the only thing I'm waiting for before officially saying I have a girlfriend (as much as I'd love to do it now)! :D
Now..... I just need to figure out how to tell my parents that a.) I won't be home next weekend, and b.) that I think it's time I take mom up on her asking if I want a cell phone, as now it'd actually get used. :)
Tuesday, February 07, 2012 9:55pm
FINALLY!!!!!
In the event that anyone's been checking in, you may have noticed it's been a LONG time since I last posted anything. Now, unlike the post droughts of the past, this time there's more of a reason than just lack of desire or anything to post. :) I've had plenty to post, but have quite literally been unable to. On November 30th we finally got a new computer!!! :D Unfortunately, having to start clean installing everything, my HTML editor that I use to maintain this wasn't exactly working, and I just wasn't able to figure out how to get it to work, no matter how much I had tried. Wasn't sure if it was a Windows 7 issue or not, as nothing was working. Anyway, I FINALLY got it figured out! :D So now I can post again! :D
Despite how much has happened in the last couple months, I'm going to go ahead and leave this post at this, saying why I wasn't able to get on. No point wasting time covering whatever if it's never needed. And if it is, well..... I'll cover it then. :P In the meantime, I have a ton of stuff to work on to get the site updated for the new year, since I was unable to do so before!
