Hi, I'm Jim Watkins. I hope I'm not going off the deep end here, but I'm throwing my beach towel into the political waters with my Pool Party candidancy for President 2008.

This pool needs some of those inflatable water wing thing-ies

If I remember my U.S. History correctly, the Founding Fathers didn't trust one another ("Okay, who put the crab down my trunks?!"), so they created "checks and balances." Think of a toddler with those inflatable water wing thing-ies. Just one "floatie" on the right wing or left wing, and it's "blub, blub." Both floaties are necessary and so are both parties for political bouancy.

Today, politicians of each party sun themselves at the opposite end of the pool as the country is drowning in national debt, the poor and middle class are barely keeping their noses above water, our nation's reputation overseas is going down for the third time, our moral condition needs some serious CPR and, okay, I'm running out of metaphors. Politicians seem unwilling to dive in and meet in the middle to solve the nation's problems. That's why I'm throwing a Pool Party!

This pool needs a lifeguard

Not all of our Founding Fathers were Christians, but most had a strong belief in a power greater than themselves. (Many of today's politicians seem to have forgotten that and have a pH balance of political Hubris.)

The teachings of Jesus provide the perfect pH balance. He was very Republican on moral issues (no lusting after interns) and very Democratic on social issues (no mistreatment of the poor or prisoners.)

While Thomas Jefferson is blamed (or credited) with the "separation of church and state" and did not believe in the divinity of Christ, he had no problem championing the teachings of Jesus: "A more beautiful or precious morsel of ethics I have never seen" and "I find many passages of fine imagination, correct morality, and of the most lovely benevolence."

Hopefully my Pool Party will include the wisdom of Republicans, the compassion of Democrats, and the faith of Independents who actually believe they can get elected.

So here are some of my bi-partison diving platforms that I will work to get passed by sunburned red states and water-logged blue states:

My party's deck planks—in water-resistant, attractive wood-like finishes—can also be found in my weekly newspaper columns.

Dive in! Keep the Pool Party afloat

If you will sign up ten friends for the Tupperware Party, and those ten friends will sign up ten friends, and those ten friends will sign up ten friends, and . . . Well, you get the idea. In just ten rounds, I will have recruited 10 billion votes! (That's nearly the number of ballots cast in some Chicago precincts.) And if you'd like to help with the expenses of the campaign site you can contribute securely using any major credit card with PayPal:

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Watkins for President 2008: Position statements

Social Security

To bolster the retirement safety net, I would have every new retiree write his or her name at the top of a list. Then those at the second level of the list would send the person at the top 15 percent of their income, and those on the third level would send their 15 percent to those on the second level and then . . . Oh wait, that's called a Ponzi Scheme and it's illegal--and it's how the current system works!

Social Security is basically for people who don't have the discipline to spend less than they earn. (Sort of like the U.S. government and its katrillion-dollar debt.) So just send everyone (especially me) a check for what he or she personally put into the program so far, but stipulate it's a direct deposit to their Federally-insured local bank that can't be touched until one is 65 years old. Then, because people don't save unless forced to by the government, continue putting 10 percent of everyone's earnings in his/her local account until 65.