The Islands of the Keswindhover Archipelago of Love
Devil Piglet Island
Where donuts and Cheetos grow on trees, and there is an all-you-can-eat buffet
daily. Clive Owen is the wickedly enigmatic buffet steward, who asks if there is
“anything else” he can do for you once the chicken salad has been served.
Elinora Island Where there is cool and leafy shade from the sun’s rays,
and Alan Rickman would like to play doctors and nurses with you. There is also
an exciting magic dumpster into which you can throw out-of-date computers all
day, every day, without it ever getting full.
Circe_Tigana Island Where, despite the classical example, there are no
pigs to be found - but you can find Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp naked, waving
palm leaves over a reclining Cap'n Circe, and her ramshackle pirate crew, and
rum springs from the rocks, and trickles down the cliffs in an inexhaustible
stream.
Jonesiexxx Island Full of merry hedonistic nakedness, a troop of the most
skilled masseurs - who can be as forceful or gentle as you wish, and a magic
pizza oven that never runs out of piping hot pepperoni pizzas. The masseurs are
named Johnny, James and Toshiro, and specialise in the application of warm oil.
Saussabet Island where Saussy and Sisabet rule. Listen to a choice of
100,000 radio stations from around the world, watch opposites attract as Brian
and Justin fall in love, and Spike and Xander make out in the pounding surf on
the beach (probably to music from one of the 100,000 radio stations). Cap'n
Sisabet and Mate Saussy also run the Archipelago ferry service, and can be found
with caps on heads, and pipes between teeth, chugging along through the azure
ocean in their old but still seaworthy crafts, The Spangel and The
Spuffy.
Gobi_Rex Island Thronging with footballers, all dressed in grass skirts,
and kneeling at the feet of King Gobi. She will institute a benign new football
league where all the boys love each other really, and just play footie for fun,
on the beach, in their grass skirts.
MrMonkeybottoms Island Full of lots of trees for Monkey to swing around
in, foam parties held in real foam, and all manner of pretty necklaces and other
toys (ahem) for those who wish to play. Climb a tree on Monkey Island and
someone will be waiting for you there, eager to make out with you.
Beamer Island Where Beamer runs the friendliest bar in the world - drinks
materialise in your hand when you are thirsty, vids play as you think of them,
and all-night dancing never causes blisters, or drinks spillage. Also a magic
dressmaking machine - think of a dress, and ping! It pops out of thin air, ready
for you to party on down in.
Hoene Island This island hosts a restaurant famous throughout the
archipelago for its chef, noted for her cooking, her beauty and her shiny
kitchen knife. It is rumoured that guests who show a particualrly fine palate
may prove worthy of the chef's 'personal attention'.
Miss Murchison Island Where there are a hundred words for 'chocolate',
spoken in a hundred different tongues - and as many words for 'love'. (Plus
twenty exciting compound words meaning 'love of chocolate') and where Microsoft
Project is a philanthropic scheme to make cute woolly little sweaters for the
local pixie population. Note: This island now comes with added Ball Pool of
Love.
Anniesj Island Where the natives walk around in constant states of bliss
because the benign Goddess of Groping is always touching their boobies. Here the
national greeting is "Awww, yeah," and the sexiest body part is the knee.
Lunakornkid Land Where sweaty, bare chested rock gods sing, Madonna,
Britney & Christina make out with each other for all eternity,wearing their
wedding dresses. Tinkerbell, from The Simple Life, is also in residence, and
Aoweyn from Return of the King. Also, Spike & Buffy alternate between cuddling &
reanacting ‘Smashed’ purely for the guests’ enjoyment, and there are Kahula
fountains for everyone.
Rabid1st Island Where despite the name there is no foaming at the mouth
at all. Rabid Island is noted for the four-star Sweet Spot Resort - a
delightfully decadent get-away sure to tingle the palate of the most jaded
jet-setter: Nightly Partner Swapping encouraged...morals, inhibitions, clothing
and gender are all optional. Cherries, whipped cream, fresh strawberries and
pineapple wedges dipped in imported chocolate are provided as part of room
service.
Jane Davitt Island An island with books on it. All the books we've ever
wanted (with beautifully bound fanfics galore) and shady trees with cunningly
placed huge comfy chairs underneath, where the sun's never shining on your book,
the breeze is never strong enough to ruffle the pages, it never rains (of
course) and there are always handy tables for drinks and nibbles and...look...JM
and ASH are over there in the corner taking turns reading them aloud, while the
other serves big silly cocktails with umbrellas and twizzle sticks.
Love'sBitch Island Where there are pretty boys with long hair falling
into their eyes and songs of heartbreak. Such boys as Vinnie K., Charlie Demars,
and Jonathan Rhys Myers can run around without fear of women trying to cut their
hair. The Margaritas and cigarettes abound while the boys show off their lovely
selection of Leather Pants.
Xander03 Island Where the island is full of company employment
representatives that love you and want to hire you without even looking at your
resume. Hot men carry you from person to person, where you receive compliments
about everything you've ever done. Of course, you don't need a job, because
these same hot men provide for your every need. Including taking you by boat or
by helicopter to any of the other islands, once your self confidence is at an
all time high from the compliments.
Valereix Island Where the spring of life bursts forth with any drink you
want, curing everybody of any ailment they might have suffered. The concept of
money does not exist here, everybody gets whatever they need. And you can take
magic checks back to the rest of the world, that'll keep replenishing your
accounts. There will of course be lots and lots of buggery going on, and in fact
it's possible to temporarily change sex there, in case you want to be on the
other end of the fun.
Bailunrui Island An undistinguished lump of lava, which nonetheless
benefits from the presence of a nightclub offering nightly sets from the Great
Man himself, David Bowie.
BarbaraSteele2 Island Where the immortally middle-aged Barbara dwells in
her own private Byzantium with Cloned!GeneticallyEngineered!Spike.
Swmbo Island An ice-free paradise. With a never-ending supply of hugs and
cuddles and dancing. There's also a lovely cavern, filled with sparkling
crystals and stalactites and stalagmites, to wander through and at the very end
of it is a chamber in which Buffy, Angel and Firefly episodes are always
playing. Except Connor never, ever goes away! Instead at the end of 'Home' all
the raccoons are banished and set adrift in a boat.
OnlyOOT Island A hedonistic Isle, where the fashion is to go nude.
Everyone who visits, is bestowed with unlimited energy and vigour, whilst all
aches, pains, and illnesses just melt away. When visiting the isle, visitors are
overcome with lustful naughty feelings. Everyone is personally attended by naked
youthful boys or girls, and the centre of the isle is one big lustful, sex
driven dance/orgy/booze filled party. Anthony Stewart Head is the main Barkeep,
and the rest of the Buffy and Angel cast are personal entertainers, who will do
whatever you wish. One half of the isle is day, one half night and the weather
can be changed to match your wishes. Onlyoot is always happy to meet and greet.
Thanks to all the LJ denizens who participated.
Contact Kes at keswindhover@yahoo.co.uk
Please report any problems with the site to MissMurchison@mchsi.com