The Mechanics of Dialogue (2)
Copyright 1999 Leigh Michaels
Additional exercises in punctuating and organizing dialogue.
Molly looked around the kitchen. Where is Mother, by the way? She said
she'd watch Bailey this afternoon while I go to my appointment.
Bailey's lower lip crept out, and her chin trembled. Don't want
Gramma she said. I want you to stay, Mommy. Molly's heart twisted.
Of course she doesn't want Gramma. The child hardly knows her.
It's only been four days-- She leaned over Bailey and dropped a
kiss on her hair. I know, darling, and I'd stay here with you if
I could. But remember we talked about my new job? I have to
go see a man-- Megan drew a breath that sounded like a sharp
hiss. What happened to your face? You look as if you've been
in a brawl. Molly's hand went automatically to the dark spot on
her jaw. Oh, this. It's nothing, really. Her mother spoke from
the doorway. Nothing? She says Bailey kicked her. Alix Matthews's
dark tone implied that she had her doubts about the explanation.
Kicked-- Megan's tone was speculative. Alix nodded and walked
briskly across the kitchen. In my day a child who did that--if, of
course, she really did... I told you it was a somersault that
went wrong, Mother. Bailey didn't mean to hurt me, it was
an accident. Bailey frowned a little. She held up her drawing
to look at it and then put her blue crayon down and selected
a green one. Megan didn't look convinced. Alix's gaze skimmed
over Molly. That suit's all right, I suppose. At least it fits. You're
not going to wear a ring? Molly wanted to groan. Instead, she
said dryly Remember, Mother? I'm divorced. I still think that
a discreet little gold band... Molly didn't want to listen to any
more. I don't expect to be gone for more than a couple of hours,
Mom. Thanks for taking care of Bailey. Alix didn't answer, but
she looked at her watch. Molly leaned over the little girl, and
the scent of baby shampoo tickled her nose. Bailey was almost
four, but she was small for her age, and her wiry little body still
fit perfectly in her mother's arms. I'll come back just as soon as
I can Bailey she said. You be good for Grandma, all right? And
maybe tonight we'll go get ice cream. Bailey's eyes lit. Pink ice
cream? Bribing a child Alix said is never a good idea.
Here is the same passage as it appeared in the final version:
Molly gave up and looked around the kitchen. "Where is Mother, by the way? She said she'd watch Bailey this afternoon while I go to my appointment."
Bailey's lower lip crept out, and her chin trembled. "Don't want Gramma," she said. "I want you to stay, Mommy."
Molly's heart twisted. Of course she doesn't want Gramma. The child hardly knows her. It's only been four days-- She leaned over Bailey and dropped a kiss on her hair. "I know, darling, and I'd stay here with you if I could. But remember we talked about my new job? I have to go see a man--"
Megan drew a breath that sounded like a sharp hiss. "What happened to your face? You look as if you've been in a brawl."
Molly's hand went automatically to the dark spot on her jaw. "Oh, this. It's nothing, really."
Her mother spoke from the doorway. "Nothing? She says Bailey kicked her." Alix Matthews's dark tone implied that she had her doubts about the explanation.
"Kicked--" Megan's tone was speculative.
Alix nodded and walked briskly across the kitchen. "In my day a child who did that--if, of course, she really did..."
"I told you it was a somersault that went wrong, Mother. Bailey didn't mean to hurt me, it was an accident."
Bailey frowned a little. She held up her drawing to look at it and then put her blue crayon down and selected a green one.
Megan didn't look convinced.
Alix's gaze skimmed over Molly. "That suit's all right, I suppose. At least it fits. You're not going to wear a ring?"
Molly wanted to groan. Instead, she said dryly, "Remember, Mother? I'm divorced."
"I still think that a discreet little gold band..."
Molly didn't want to listen to any more. "I don't expect to be gone for more than a couple of hours, Mom. Thanks for taking care of Bailey."
Alix didn't answer, but she looked at her watch.
Molly leaned over the little girl, and the scent of baby shampoo tickled her nose. Bailey was almost four, but she was small for her age, and her wiry little body still fit perfectly in her mother's arms. "I'll come back just as soon as I can, Bailey," she said. "You be good for Grandma, all right? And maybe tonight we'll go get ice cream."
Bailey's eyes lit. "Pink ice cream?"
"Bribing a child," Alix said, "is never a good idea."
From THE BOSS AND THE BABY
Copyright 1999 by Leigh Michaels
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